Elongated grammatical pastries

Two things are always true about Paczki Day in Detroit:

1) The local fishwrap will be at pains to remind you that "paczki" is plural and that you should NEVER EVER use it as a singular
2) It's going to be a footrace of a slugfest of a grand slam dunk of a Hail Mary to see what gets to the finish line first, singular "paczki" or the Elongated Yellow Fruit. And it's close again this year:

 There's another one in the cutline, if you're scoring along at home: "adds butter to a paczki." (Previous paczki whinges here, here and here.)

It's nice, in a way, to observe distinctions like paczek/paczki. I'm almost tempted to call it quaint, except that questions about when foreign words get to retain their own plurals and when we assign them whatever we like can turn into larger social issues before we quite realize it. If you're going to maintain that "paczki" is only and always a plural, though, you might want to assign the same person to read all components of the display with that idea in mind. You could call that person -- I don't know, a copyczker or something.

Elongated unsolicited diet advice

So, two questions that we seem to ask every year around this (Western calendar) time:

1) How long will it take the Freep to copy-paste its annual list of  "things you should know about paczki"?
2) And how long until the Freep breaks its own prescriptive rule on the singular?

OK, you peeked. The answers are "six paragraphs" and "not long at all." (Hint: If you say "a paczki," it's singular, no matter how many annoying, tired, over-hyphenated modifiers show up between the article and the noun.) Nonetheless, a few changes from previous years:

No elongated yellow fruit this year! Specifically, no "beloved jelly-filled and calorie-laden Polish pastries"; no "nummy waistline-busters." No insistence that "'paczkis' is not a word" (if you can spell it, that's a pretty sure sign that it's a word, whether you like it or not). In that light, an interesting tweak to #3: This year's "paczki are thought of" vs. last year's "the paczki is thought of."

McCartney-preposition-wise, I see the no-singular-paczki rule as a strange hill on which to plant one's flag on. If you're cool with "bedouins" (to stay among languages you can see on signage in Hamtown), you shouldn't have a complaint with "paczkis."

While we're at it: Don't do a comma splice in the hed if you don't have to (and you don't). Please proof the copy before you print it; if that's meant to be a force-hyphen at right there, it didn't take. If we've managed to get through the rest of the edition without Frenchifying "Fat Tuesday," I'm not sure there's a need to start now. And is there a reason for shifting from justified to ragged type in the same story?

The editor's work is never done. I'll take a custard.

The morning after

The paczki were half off at the Holiday today, but those elegant variations were still fetching the cover price at the morning fishwrap:

The folks at Lazybones Smokehouse thought so, putting a twist on the annual pre-Lenten paczki tradition by topping the deep-fried dough with sweetened maple bacon. This Fat Tuesday, like the previous four, workers have come in a bit earlier to prepare the sweet treat ahead of the store's opening.

By the way? Always read the morning paper before you start in to writing. That way, if one of your colleagues has declared "paczki" to be plural unto the end of time Amen in the Tuesday paper, you reduce the risk of sneaking the singular -- "a paczki" -- into your own story.

Today in elongated nummy fruit

How many Popular Orange Vegetables can we pack into the first few grafs of the annual paczki story?

• The popular treats
• The nummy waistline-busters
• Sweet, sweet tasty goodness
• A delicious, sugar-dusted pastry

All this and a case of greengrocer apostrophe: "First thing's first." (Things get worse in the online edition: She says she's up to six so far, "but just like the calories; whose counting?")

Now: Is it true that the pluralized "paczkis" isn't a real word? That's an interesting case of where to put the prescriptive foot down. "Paczki" acts like a singular in the lede -- the ad doesn't say "Now comes Millers time," after all, and the bit before dinner isn't cocktails hour. Nor does the Freep seem to have a problem with "bedouins," which is also formed by putting an "s" on a plural noun, and elsewhere, plural "paczkis" is fairly widespread. Best suggestion? Write your own rule and try to stick to it.

But, please -- no "nummy," ever, under any circumstances.

Sun rises in East, experts say

On the "water runs downhill, two sources with knowledge of the situation told the Eagle-Beacon-Democrat on condition of anonymity" front, this just in from a rather Catholic enclave to the east*:

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, Ash Wednesday marks the first day of the Lenten fast on the Christian calendar.

Not to be rude, but -- do you suppose we could place Lent on the ecclesiastical sked without having to attribute it?*** Perhaps by taking (gasp) a little authority on ourselves?

* Not Hamtramck; that'd be southeast.**
** And very much worth honoring for the Fat Tuesday tradition of paczki. Nom nom nom.
*** On the bright side, at least it isn't Wikipedia.

I mixted you a metąphor

Somehow, I think we're missing the point here:

Hamtramck — It's Black Friday for foodies.

It's a last taste of decadence before a season of denial and penance.

It's Fat Tuesday. Paczki Day, as Metro Detroiters know it.

I'm not bothered by likening a Tuesday to a Friday, but Black Friday seems like the wrong one for a "last taste of decadence before a season of denial." Nor (having had two last night and one this morning) am I convinced that paczkis* are the stuff "foodies" are made of.
 But it wouldn't be a holiday without a little excess writering in the press, would it?

* Like both local papers, I kind of go both ways on how to pluralize it.

Elongated yellow grammar

Q: So how many sentences does it take for the annual paczki story to break its own prescriptive rule about singularizing the nummy waistline-busters? 
A: One or two sentences, tops. Why should this year be any different? 

Seriously, though. Since you don't follow your own rule, and no one else in town seems to either, shouldn't you consider rewriting the rule?