Giant Despair

That's the fun thing about living in a hotbed of newspaper competition: Another day, another round of the vigorous, issue-driven dust-up that is the Marketplace of Ideas. And the 1A choices today could hardly have better captured the two streams of thought that dominated America's Front Pages:

Freep:
GIANT UPSET

Detroit News:
PERFECT UPSET

Tough call, huh? We're going to have to go deep into the tiebreakers. The Freep has two "celebrates" cutlines on the front page, to one for the News. But the News manages some annoying italic emphasis ("'Shock' is a word overused in sports, but this truly was a shocking victory") and is just out of bounds with a "delegate-rich Calif." hed next to the centerpiece.

But the Freep has ... Albom!
What had they done? What had they done? Had they really pulled off what the rest of the world just witnessed?

Freep by a nose.

Wherever you are around the country, you seem to have seen something similar, which doesn't say a lot for the legendary independence of the U.S. press (or the alleged creativity of the sports side). Here's some of the "Giant Upset" camp:
Mobile Press-Register
St. Petersburg Times
Tampa Tribune
Hartford Courant
Portland (Maine) Press Herald
Cleveland Plain Dealer
The Oklahoman
Philadelphia Inquirer
The (Columbia) State
Greenville (SC) News
Memphis Commercial Appeal
Houston Chronicle
Yes, the variants count too: "A Giant upset" (Omaha World-Herald), "Giant upset!" (Asbury Park Press, San Francisco Examiner), "A Giant upset!" (Burlington Free Press).

The "Perfect upset" camp was smaller:
Northwest Herald, Crystal Lake, Ill.
Baltimore Sun
Detroit News
Citizens’ Voice (Wilkes-Barre, Pa.)
Charleston Post and Courier
("A perfect upset" showed up on the Florida Times-Union, the Louisville Courier Journal and the
St. Paul Pioneer Press.)

And perennial contender "Bowled over" had its adherents in Mattoon and Doylestown.

Cutline-wise, there was a whole lot of ... oh, stop it:

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrates Sunday after his 13-yard touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress in Super Bowl XLII against the New England Patriots at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Ariz.
(Way to go, Northwest Herald! That's the sort of detail that'll put 'em right back to sleep)

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrates his game-winning touchdown pass, capping an 83-yard drive during which the Super Bowl MVP barely avoided a sack to make a key reception.

Eli Manning celebrated after his 13-yard game-winning pass to Plaxico Burress in the fourth quarter last night in Phoenix.

Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrates after his 13-yard touchdown pass to Plaxico Burress late in the fourth quarter.

New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning celebrates his Super Bowl-winning touchdown pass.

Quarterback Eli Manning, 10, celebrates with his teammates as the final gun signals the end of Super Bowl XLII.
Fort Worth Star-Telegram

New York quarterback Eli Manning celebrates with the Vince Lombardi trophy alongside Giants head coach Tom Coughlin (right) and Fox TV’s Terry Bradshaw after the Giants defeated the New England Patriots.

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady reacts to a third-quarter sack, one of five he suffered Sunday.
The Kentucky Enquirer sneaks in a "react"!

New York Giants teammates Michael Strahan, left, and Eli Manning celebrate their defeat of the New England Patriots Sunday night.

New York Giants defensive end Michael Strahan celebrates after sacking New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady on Sunday.

New York Giants’ Kareem McKenzie (67) celebrates Sunday after the Giants scored in the fourth quarter to beat the New England Patriots 17-14 during Super Bowl XLII at University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Ariz.

There's almost nothing good to say about all this, but a few commendations are in order. Charlotte and Raleigh both managed to use a celebration shot without using the Verb of Satan. And Richmond actually came up with a novel centerpiece hed:
18 and ... no

Other than that ... ecch. Please, no more.

Stamp out 'celebrates'

Now that Christmas hasn't come early, can New Year's resolutions be far behind? Here's one you can practice on for the Super Bowl! No, it's not the idea of running nothing but columns on your front page (check it out: four stories, four photo logos). It's the cutline with the obligatory NFL story:

Detroit Lions safety James Ihedigbo celebrates the tackle on the Chicago Bears’ Matt Forte during first-half action on Sunday at Soldier Field in Chicago. The Lions won, 20-14, but it wasn’t pretty. Next week, they try to break a 23-year road losing streak in the state of Wisconsin. 

And the two on 6A:

Detroit Lions fans celebrate against the Chicago Bears on Sunday at Soldier Field in Chicago. But it was galling how the Lions’ self-inflicted mistakes kept an awful Bears team close, especially during the first half, when Detroit committed three turnovers. Matthew Stafford threw two interceptions, and a muffed punt gave the Bears hope.

Detroit* Lions receiver Golden Tate celebrates a first down during first-half action Sunday. The Lions’ 20-14 victory followed their trusted formula all season — plenty of luck and plenty of guts. 

And the versions in Miami and Charlotte, which at least put the story inside:

The Dolphins’ Terrence Fede, middle, celebrates after blocking a punt in the final seconds of Sunday’s game for a safety that helped Miami beat Minnesota, 37-35, at Sun Life Stadium. Despite officially being eliminated from playoff contention, team owner Stephen Ross said Joe Philbin would return in 2015 as Miami’s head coach.Story, 1D.

The Panthers’ Jonathan Stewart (28) celebrates his go-ahead touchdown catch with Cam Newton against Cleveland during the fourth quarter Sunday. Carolina (6-8-1) will play a winner-take-all game against the Falcons for the NFC South title Sunday in Atlanta. Newton ran for a touchdown and threw for another in his return from a car accident that sidelined him last week. More in Sports
 
I'm not all that fond of "celebrate" photos to begin with; I'd like to have at least as much action as reaction in the visual mix, and I think the emphasis on reaction reflects a larger Dick Vitale-ization of sports that takes some out of the fun out of watching. But at the least, we can ban "celebrate" on grounds of redundancy. Don't tell me what I'm seeing when you can tell me why I'm seeing it.

* And yes, by this point I have a pretty good idea of where the Lions play. If the "Detroit" on every first reference is a rule, let's get rid of that too.

It's never too late

If you need an arbitrary point on the calendar at which to forswear evil and embrace good, too bad about the whole New Year thing. But there's still plenty of time to make an Old Christmas resolution -- for example, "I shall wash the Forbidden Verbs right out of my hair and send them on their way":

The Spartans celebrate a 33-30 victory over the University of Georgia at the Outback Bowl on Monday in Tampa. (1A)

Sacramento’s DeMarcus Cousins celebrates after scoring against the Los Angeles Lakers last week. He has since demanded a trade from the Kings. (2B)

Senior quarterback Kirk Cousins celebrates a fourth-quarter touchdown that gives Michigan State its first lead. He would lead another TD drive in the final minutes to force overtime. (1C)

MSU sophomore cornerback Darqueze Dennard celebrates one of his two third-quarter interceptions, this one for a 38-yard touchdown.(4C)

William Gholston celebrates after his fumble recovery in the second quarter. He also led MSU with seven solo tackles. (4C)

The Cowboys’ Markelle Martin celebrates after he recovered a fumble in the third quarter. (6C)

Writing is supposed to be at least a little bit difficult. Banning the Verb of Satan isn't much of a challenge, but it's a start.

Forbidden verbs never go away

Sometimes you read your major metropolitan sports section and just wonder: How many more times?

Tiger Woods celebrates after sinking a 25-foot birdie putt on the final hole Sunday for the win. (2B)

Jeff Burton celebrates in victory lane Sunday after winning the NASCAR Sprint Cup Series Food City 500 in Bristol, Tenn. (7B)

Georgia's Corey Butler celebrates Sunday's 66-57 victory over Arkansas in the SEC final in Atlanta. (8B)

Temple's leading scorers, Mark Tyndale, left, and Dionte Christmas, celebrate upon learning of their matchup against Michigan State in the NCAA tournament. (9B)

MVP Dionte Christmas, left, celebrates after Temple beat Saint Joseph's for the Atlantic 10 title. (10B)

And this one's different, but it's hard to see how it's an improvement:
Mario Chalmers exults after scoring a three-pointer Sunday for Kansas, the top seed in the Midwest Regional. (11B)

In the broad, cosmic, let's-all-procrastinate-with-content-analysis sense, I wonder if the dominance of the "celebrate" photo isn't linked to some sort of broad ESPN-ization of sports journalism. It's no longer enough for games to have the fleeting moments of innate drama that actually make them fun to watch; now they have to be made iconic, and viewers have to be reminded every few seconds that what they're watching is something really special.*

As much fun as it would be to track the change in the modal sports photo from action to reaction, though, that's not the point. The point is that "celebrate" (like all its vile ilk) violates the Basic Rule of cutline writing: Never tell readers what they're seeing. Tell them what they aren't seeing. Everybody in your audience knows what the content of a "celebrate" photo means; they can't see what Mr. Woods just did, or what the basket being celebrated did to the score, or what sort of offense the defense overcame, or how much (or little) Mr. Burton won by. That's golden space under the photo. Spend it on something useful.

* Have you ever turned the closed-captioning on for a Dick Vitale telecast? Try it sometime!

The torture never stops

Q: And how are things on the sports photo desk at certain large metropolitan dailies?
A: Glad you asked!

Things were heating up in Boiling Springs, N.C. on Thursday, where students celebrated little Gardner-Webb's big win Wednesday night in Kentucky's Rupp Arena. (2D Friday)

Dan Cleary, who tipped in a shot by Brett Lebda, background, celebrates after giving the Red Wings a 1-0 first-period lead over Columbus. (1B Saturday)

Lions holder and punter Nick Harris, left, watches as kicker Jason Hanson celebrates a field goal. (7B Saturday)

Illinois' Antonio Steele (40) celebrates his third-quarter interception with Justin Harrison. (3E Sunday)

Michigan State running back Jehuu Caulcrick celebrates the Spartans' 48-31 victory over Purdue with fans Saturday at Ross-Ade Stadium in West Lafayette, Ind. (5E Sunday)

Q: Wow! So it's pretty much Wait Till Next Year for all the other Forbidden Verbs?
A: Not so fast. When the going gets tough, the tough get going:
Allison Schmitt, right, shares a laugh with teammate Monica Blaesser during last year's Division 1 finals meet at Oakland University.

Q: Any early signals on the Forbidden Headlines front?
A: Yes.
Going bowling?
Hoyer leads Spartans to their 6th win
A quick reminder that the jaws of hell gape for "Bowled over" and all its minions and catamites.

Sunday news: By the numbers

All the other kids are doing it, so -- have some Sunday Freep By The Numbers!

Number of sports cutlines using the verb "celebrate"

Words into Mitch Albom's lede (the one in sports; he has two on Sundays) you have to dig before finding an antecedent for the subject of the first sentence.

Days in a row a major international disaster has been covered with standalone art (or "lines only," if you needed some new insider vocabulary).

For the record:

Blackhawks' Patrick Sharp, right, celebrates one of his three goals in the third period on Saturday. (3D, and sharp-eyed readers are right: Anarthrous "Blackhawks" here is standard in British Sports English, but not in American)

Jenison players celebrate a point against Birmingham Marian during the Class A Volleyball Finals at Kellogg Arena on Saturday. (5D)

Ohio State players celebrate with their fans o the Michigan Stadium field after the Buckeyes' 14-3 win over Michigan on Saturday. (3E)

MSU receiver Devin Thomas (5) celebrates his 26-yard touchdown pass with QB Brian Hoyer on Saturday (6E).

Michigan State safety Nehemiah Warrick celebrates the Spartans' 35-31 victory with the fans at Spartan Stadium on Saturday (7E).

A Gatorade-soaked coach Mark Dantonio celebrates Michigan State's comeback win Saturday against Penn State (8E).

Six in a day is just ... Gehrigesque. Ruthian. DiMaggioid. Angels dine at the Ritzy.

When you care enough ...

It's the playoffs, so only the stalest will do!

Friday, 1C:
Henrik Zetterberg celebrates his third-period goal that gave the Wings a 2-1 lead.

Saturday, 1B:
Detroit's Henrik Zetterberg, right, celebrates his game-winning goal Thursday with Pavel Datsyuk.

Sunday, 1D:
Tomas Holmston, right, celebrates his goal with linemate Pavel Datsyuk.

Can't wait for Monday's sports section. On a streak, gotta respect the streak, right?

Resolutions: There's still time

Fast away the old year passes, but there's still time to sign up for those last few spaces on some of our most popular New Year's resolutions.

Made of durable Grammar®, these sturdy resolutions are favorites of professors, employers, and each one comes with its own lesson in parallel structure. And a HEADSUP-L editing resolution is a gift that keeps on giving! Throughout the new year, you'll get:
1) Regular e-mail reminders of the importance of your resolution to the Free World and your job prospects!
2) Random horse parts left around the house, just like in the movies!
3) Suspicious white powder delivered to your mailroom within two business days of any backsliding!

If you act now, you can be signed up by first edition deadline for:

"RESPONDED": Kick any story containing "police responded" or the like back to the city desk for revisions, no questions asked:
Columbia police responded to the robbery at Bocomo Bay, 1122 Wilkes Blvd., Suite A, at 11:11 p.m. Thursday.

Traffic was backed up at the intersection of Tenth and Walnut streets for about 30 minutes Thursday afternoon while firefighters responded to a small fire at a crematorium.

Boone County firefighters responded to the home at 900 Cedar Grove Blvd., just before midnight Monday.

At about 9:05 p.m., police responded to a report of a masked man firing shots at a crowd of people leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses Assembly Hall.

Boone County Sheriff’s deputies responded to a report of a disturbance at 2:54 a.m. Sunday in the 4400 block of Mesa Drive in south Columbia.

CELEBRATES: Permanently banned in all cutlines, all sections, all tenses and aspects:
Oregon State strong safety Sabby Piscitelli celebrates after the Beavers took the lead with a two-point conversion late in the game. (5B Sunday)

Colt McCoy celebrates Texas' come-from behind victory Saturday at the Alamo Bowl. (6B Sunday, hyphenation CQ)

RTFS: If you can't place a finger on a fact in the text ("The blast left two people missing and 26 hurt"), don't put it in the hed ("Car bomb kills 2 in Madrid," 8A Sunday)!

All major credit cards accepted. Operators are standing by now. Thanks for your support of HEADSUP-L Enterprises.

Forbidden stuff

Wouldn't be the end of the semester without some stuff that looked like the beginning of the semester, would it? A quick reminder of some banned items, then, as exam week enters full swing.

Chicago's Devin Hester celebrates his 94-yard kickoff return for a touchdown during the second quarter. (1B Tuesday)

The verb "celebrate" in all forms and conjugations is banned from photo captions forever, without exception. Why? Because despite regular reminders, it tends to show up every day:

Chicago Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher celebrates after intercepting a pass against the Minnesota Vikings on Dec. 3. (1B Monday)

Titans kicker Rod Bironas celebrates with his teammates ... (Thursday 4B)

United States skeleton racer Zach Lund pumps his fist to celebrate his win ... (Friday 2B)

Got it? Never use "celebrate." You're an editor, not a stenographer. Let the photo speak for itself; spend the cutline space on something useful.

On the lede front, whenever you see one of these, throw it back to the originating desk for rewrite:

"He looks like an average college student" (1A Nov. 27)

Who died and appointed the Missourian official arbiter of what the "average college student" looks like? Keep your opinions of typicality -- and your biases -- to yourself. Readers have plenty of stuff to whack us over the head for without your adding to it.

Same goes for the inverse of Average College Kid:

Real McPerson, a 47-year-old social worker, isn't your typical user (1A Friday)

Hard to imagine a more thoroughly worn-out cliche. But freshness isn't a benefit when an idea is just silly:

Genocide and book fairs are not usually mentioned in the same sentence (5A Friday)

Um ... you certainly seem to have a point there.

Forbidden verb

Q: Why does the careful copy editor never write 1B cutlines like "The Royals' Mark Teahan celebrates with teammate Doug Mientkiewicz and others after hitting a solo home run in the 11th inning to beat the Cardinals on Saturday night"?

A: Because a colleague is likely to have written "Tony Stewart waves the checkered flag as he celebrates after winning his second consecutive Pepsi 400" (2B). Or "Pat Hurst celebrates a birdie put on the eighth hole" (4B, and sic).

Plenty of other stuff to wonder about in Sports today, but duty calls.

Well, there is one thing. The Cup coverage is long on what Brazil did -- more thoroughly, what Ronaldo and Ronaldinho didn't -- in the course of losing 1-0 to France. Odd there's no room to mention what France did. Your Gooners fans shouldn't have to look elsewhere to find Henry's name in lights.

No, but thanks for asking

Or perhaps "apparently, for some values of 'ready'."

See what happens when you go out of town for a couple days?* The Great Cliches are loose again and ravening for delight, and nobody wants to stop them. (To the surprise of almost no one -- can we have a show of hands out there? -- they're accompanied by stupid puns on players' names, and if your first guess at the cutline verb for the photo shown here is "celebrates," take a victory lap.)

As a reminder, then: Heds including the phrase "ready for some football?" are permanently banned, under all circumstances, forever and ever amen. Nor shalt thou ever be amused enough by the sort of plays you can make on people's names to put one in a headline. And no cutline unto the end of time shall ever say "celebrates" (or "reacts," or "looks on," or "gestures while he speaks") again. If some part of that is unclear, leave a comment, and someone on the staff will be right with you see that you are left on the midden for the wolves.

* Saw some but not nearly enough of the Philosophy School gang, did lots of Service to the Profession and Academy, saw too little of the old native city, presented the empirical version of some earlier posts.

Forbidden verb

Dear Freep desks: Enough with "celebrate." No more. Please. Ever.

Lions’ fans celebrate after Jason Hanson kicks the game-winning field goal in overtime against Minnesota at Ford Field on Sept. 16. (11/6, 8D)

Things were jumping at Ford Field on Sunday – like Lions wide receiver Shaun McDonald, who leaped to the front row to celebrate his third-quarter touchdown catch with fans. (11/5, 1A)

BLUE HEAVEN: Michigan’s Adrian Arrington and Marion Manningham celebrate the game-wining touchdown late in the fourth quarter – Chad Henne’s 31-yard pass to Manningham. (11/4, 1A)

Auburn Hills Oakland Christian goalkeeper Kramer Everett celebrates Wednesday’s win over Southfield Christian. (11/1, 1C)

Lions defensive end Dewayne White, left, celebrates his fourth-quarter sack with Cory Redding during Sunday’s game at Chicago. (10/29, 1D)

Cleveland’s Braylon Edwards (U-M) takes off his helmet to celebrate a 19-yard gain vs. the Rams. (10/29, 6B)

During happier times. MSU tailback Jehuu Caulcrick celebrated his touchdown in the first overtime. (10/28, 1E)

Emergency verb drop request

You can help the sports copy desk at the Freep:

No. 1 seed Roger Federer reacts Saturday after beating No. 49 Janko Tipsarevic. (Saturday 3D).

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady reacts to teammate Laurence Maroney's rushing touchdown in the second quarter against the Chargers on Sunday. (Monday 1B).

Maryland's Greivis Vasquez celebrates the Terrapins' 82-80 win over top-ranked North Carolina at the Dean Dome on Saturday. (Sunday 11D).

Giants placekicker Lawrence Tynes, left, celebrates with teammate Michael Strahan after kicking the winning field goal in overtime Sunday night in Green Bay. (Monday 1B).

... or you can turn the page.

Can't anybody here play this game?

No, he didn't -- say "I likes where our team's going," that is. According to the story, he was barely in the same ballpark:

"We need to keep forging ahead. Keep making improvements. But I like where our team is headed." 

Since football is one of the few things the paper covers as next-day news* anymore, could we at least have checked the spelling of his name against the lede?

Jim Harbaugh's not ready to get "emotionally hijacked" just yet. 

Then there's the 1D cutline:

Michigan's Donovan Peoples-Jones celebrates his 79-yard punt-return touchdown in the third quarter Saturday against Army at Michigan Stadium.

The one with a slightly different photo on 2D repeats the Forbidden Verb, but at least it gets the opponent right:

Michigan's Donovan Peoples-Jones (9) celebrates after returning a punt 79 yards for a touchdown against Air Force on Saturday.

In case you missed the news last weekend: More or less as soon as the current contract allows, the Freep told its staff that it was moving design and copy editing to the Gannett hub (or "regional design studio") in Louisville. The War on Editing appears to have reached the stage at which the losing side is allowed to keep its horses for spring planting. The hub process might be inevitable. That doesn't mean we have to like it, but we can wish it looked more like a bad idea than an idea whose time has come.**

* It's at least a lesser sign of the apocalypse that the day's Tigers gamer was written by a stringer, not a staffer.
** Here's the Kid Rock paragraph online, if you're wondering how much attention the print edition gets: When the concert was announced, I didn't get upset about it. And I know why: Little Caesars Arena is a hockey arena. Many crowds over the years, I suspect, have been fans of performers like Kid Rock. I didn’t put his concert on my calendar.

Forbidden Verb hat trick

Hey, sports fans: What do these cutlines have in common?

"Florida's Adam Davis, right, celebrates with teammate Jeff Corsaletti after both scored on Davis' first-inning home run" (3B Monday).

"Roger Federer reacts to winning match point against Andy Roddick in 2004's Wimbledon final" (4B Monday).

"Greg Biffle celebrates his fifth Nextel Cup win in 15 starts and another victory for Roush Racing, which has eight wins this season" (4B Monday).

Yow. Three in one section. Let's cut it out, shall we?

Groundhog Day warning

Dear friends in newsrooms: Remember, no "Bowled over" in Monday's paper. No "Super finish." No refurbished press releases about sickouts or dangerously low water pressure in America's toilets. And never, ever, any "celebrates." Lest the next thing you hear after "I Got You, Babe" is a little -- livelier. 

Basics of editing: Forbidden verbs

Here's the basic cutline rule again: Don't tell me what I'm seeing. Tell me why I'm seeing it. Follow that rule and you'll never be tempted to write "celebrates" when you can write about what's being celebrated. If the touchdown was, as the game story contends, the most significant play of the first half, borrow that description: "Michigan's Devin Furness took a pass that appeared headed for a Penn State defender and walked it in for a 43-yard touchdown in the first quarter."

As for "shares a laugh with," just don't.

Gaudete! Michigan vincit

Brian raises a point below that's worth a post of its own -- as much fun as it would be to try a few "jubilate" cutlines, is there really a practical alternative to "celebrate" with sports photos? Not to answer a question with a question, but probably the best alternative is: Why do cutlines need verbs? Or more specifically, why do cutlines need verbs describing the stuff that -- at least, if you trust your lying eyes --is going on right there inside the frame for all to see?

Cutlines are one of the things the NYT consistently does well, and one reason is that NYT cutline writers are really good at sticking to one of my favorite precepts: Don't tell me what I'm seeing, tell me why I'm seeing it. So let's look at a few of today's NYT sports photos and what copy editors tell us about them. Conveniently, the lede college football photo is the same one that provided the first of the Freep's five "celebrate" sports cutlines:

Quarterback Tate Forcier, right, threw* a touchdown pass with 11 seconds left that helped Michigan take a big step forward after a 3-9 season last year.

Nice and informative -- one chunk of display type is complementing all the others. We don't know the name of the player hugging him, but maybe that's another rule we should question more often.**

Downpage is another classic of the genre -- a shouting athlete shaking hands with fans -- that usually ends up with a "celebrates with fans" or "shouts as he shakes hands with" cutline. Instead:

Houston's Case Keenum completed 32 of 46 passes for 366 yards and 3 touchdowns, including the winning score with 6:42 to play.

You can't always see whether a play is a success or a failure. In cases like that, you need to complement the image:

U.C.L.A.'s David Carter sacking Tennessee's Johnathan Crompton, who had 93 yards passing and 3 interceptions in the Volunteers' 19-15 loss.

But not all action photos need explaining:

Picking up in a second-set tie-breaker, Rafael Nadal completed a three-set victory over Fernando Gonzalez to reach the semifinals.

And particularly with archival photos, who says you need a verb at all?

Mickey Mantle and Willie Mays before the second game of the 1962 World Series.

What the Times is doing is basic, fundamental, hit-behind-the-runner desk work. It's making decisions one at a time and letting content drive them, rather than following an abstract rule about what an abstract modal caption looks like under a 30-year-old picture in a journalism textbook. That doesn't mean Times editing is always good. It means decisions you think about are almost always better than decisions you make by rote.

Is there a better verb than "celebrate"? No, but there's a better idea: Tell me why they're celebrating.

* Past tense for stuff that happened outside the frame.
** Certainly once you get out of state.

Forbidden words!

We can take or leave the annual list of banned words from the cousins at Lake Superior State. Around here, "webinar" is sort of like Bud Light: You can go ahead and pour my share back into the horse. We don't stock it or serve it, but if you show up with a six-pack to watch the game Sunday night, we're not going to make fun of you in public or anything.

What gets on the Forbidden Words list around here? Not the flavor-of-the-day things, or the ones that You Kids are going to Destroy The Language With if you don't turn those damn baseball caps around.* It's the ones that always seem to be hanging around the same crime scenes: "celebrates" with sports photos, "Up, Up and Away" with balloon photos, "at the scene" in cop stories, "saffron-colored robes"** in Southeast Asia stories. And, of course, the annoying Instant Epithets of the provincial press corps:
The show played so well in Iowa that Mike Huckabee, the bass-plucking former Southern Baptist preacher and Arkansas governor, decided to take it on the road. (Freep, Saturday 1A)
Meanwhile, Huckabee, the former Arkansas governor and bass-plucking Baptist preacher, rode a continuing wave of popularity in the state, wrenching away the lead long held by Republican Mitt Romney, a former Massachusetts governor and Bloomfield Hills native. (Freep, Friday 1A)

And any of the ones that have started to sound like datelines of their own:
WAR-TORN, Iraq (AP) --
DELEGATE-HEAVY, Calif. (AP) --
FIRST-IN-THE-NATION, Iowa (AP) --
OIL-RICH, Saudi Arabia (AP) --
And, of course, that hat trick -- hell, in deference to Lake Superior State, let's go ahead and call it a Perfect Storm -- of high-end dining terms in the lede story at right, from the Orlando Sentinel. Upscale eatery! Poshest restaurant! Swankiest restaurant! And that's before we get past the lede.

So -- ban new words? Nah. We have enough on our hands around here with the ones we already have.


* Sweet!
** I'm still trying to come up with a dateline for this one. Any suggestions there, Ridger?

Let the ... on second thought, don't

Time for another Emergency Verb Drop downtown? You make the call:

The Red Wings celebrate Valterri Filpulla's first-period goal Saturday night in front of Ottawa goalie Martin Gerber, right. (1D)

Toledo's Nick Moore (1) and his teammates on the sidelines erupt into a celebration* after Michigan missed a chance to tie Saturday's game at 13 with four seconds remaining. (1E)

Texas quarterback Colt McCoy celebrates with the Golden Hat Trophy after defeating Oklahoma, 45-35, on Saturday. (3E)

Michigan State free safety Dannny Fortener (33) and his teammates celebrate Fortener's 21-yard interception return Saturday against Northwestern. (5E)

You can't say it better than the hed on 6E:
Leading league in cliches is a good thing

* Honorary Verb status to this VP