Tabloid story of the (still-young) year

You should probably just go enjoy this one in its entirety, because perfect examples of the tabloid story -- the sourcing, the breathless shrillness, the painstaking ineptitude -- don't come around too often. But there are a few things to remark on.

For one, there are the claim quotes around "drunkard," an unusually British affectation for a paper that sports an American flag in the nameplate. Do not expect to win a libel suit on this one, kiddies. If you call the guy a "murderer," you've called him a murderer. (Likewise the online hed, 'Boozed-up' plane passenger duct-taped to his seat to stop rampage: sources; the quotes wouldn't save you even if they represented a real quote.)

While we're on the subject of holes you're asking your lawyer to dig you out of? "Drunkard" doesn't mean "somebody who's drunk." Look it up.

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War on Editing: 'Such as'

Sorry, can't help it. Whenever I see a "such as" in an already cluttered lede like this one, I reach for the Googles and ...

Mitt Romney abruptly moderated his foreign policy positions in this week's debate on issues like ending the war in Afghanistan and averting another* conflict in Iran, hoping to neutralize one of President Barack Obama's main strengths with the election only two weeks away. But the move toward the political center comes with potential pitfalls.

Granted, you can find some hits -- 134, including the local paper -- for the "issues such as" version, but with 2,500-some for "issues like," I'm more inclined to think some dozens of bitter-enders have too much time on their hands than that the AP moved a writethru to mend the notional error of its ways.

Which would be one thing if it happened in isolation, but things don't. They happen in the context of, oh, this from Tuesday, under the (print) hed "Man being sued over slanderous robo-calls admits it was his voice."

Couple slight problems here. One, whether the communication at hand was "slanderous" or not is the sort of question juries -- not reporters -- decide. Not much point in trying the lawsuit if we know the outcome, is there? That's the sort of question editors were once paid to ask of reporters who thought "asserted to be slanderous" was the same thing as "slanderous."

And two -- "didn't see anything gregarious"? Did we consider asking about that?

With rare exceptions, you can't simply teleport into the future, grab the few moments you frittered away on changing the entirely grammatical "like" to the sniffy "such as," and zip back to keep your reporter from looking like a dolt. But it does seem fair to infer that there's a fairly skewed set of priorities in effect downtown. Come the next round of buyouts or layoffs, the desk will not do well if its claim is something on the order of "Well, we changed lots of stuff that wasn't wrong, but at least we didn't get in the way if writers wanted to take sides in lawsuits over slimy campaign tricks."

* Yes, it would have been nice if someone had edited this in such a way as to indicate we don't already have one.

RTFS, Fair 'n' Balanced-style

Doesn't matter if you're out saving the world, doesn't matter if you're standing alone between the indifferent public and the Maoist hordes waiting just beyond the firelight. You still have to read the story before you write the hed:

The mother of a Florida middle school student is upset after her 13-year-old daughter came home from school and told her a teacher put tape over her mouth.

And while we're at it: Why are we not told whether duct tape played its central role?

Nothing so exhilarating

That certainly seems like a clear hed, doesn't it? Until you get to the lede, that is. Does it introduce a shade of doubt? Perhaps it should*:

A 911 call reporting the three men came from the EconoLodge on the south side of 14 Mile** near I-75 and Oakland Mall just after 3 a.m.

The Madison Heights sergeant who first responded narrowly escaped being struck by gunfire when a man with guns in both hands shot at him numerous times, Police Lt. Robert Anderson said.

I'd say that's pretty good news -- but it certainly isn't the news reported in the headline, which says he was shot. That's a rather substantial difference, you think? Hed writers would do well to learn it. Prepositions are small, but they aren't trivial.

* The two grafs reproduced here are from the print edn, which often differs from the online version.
** Trivia time: Do any of you Jon Stewart fans recall the "R. Kelly impersonator" who sang love songs about Kwame Kilpatrick's romantic assignations at the Residence Inn? It's across the street from this one.

Annals of duct tape

What is it about the Silent Gray Menace that gets their attention so quickly over at Fox?

Maryland Man Dies After Being Bound With Duct Tape (1/18/09)

Indiana Teacher Fired For Duct Taping Kid's Mouth Shut (1/16/09)

FBI: Airline Passenger Restrained With Duct Tape (11/6/08)

Mom Tells Cops She Duct Taped Son's Face, Cut His Neck (10/30/08)

Mean Girls: Texas Varsity Cheerleaders Duct Taped, Tossed In Pool In Hazing Ceremony (7/31/08)

Ohio Parents Livid After Chaperone Duct-Tapes Students' Hotel Room Doors Shut (5/20/08)

Florida Student Allegedly Tied to Chair, Duct-Taped in Class (4/26/08)

Fellow Flyers Duct-Tape Drunk to His Seat After He Allegedly Attacked a Flight Attendant (4/24/08)

Florida Teacher Suspended After Duct-Taping Student to Desk (2/13/08)

Teacher's best friend? Mom's revenge? Frequent flier's equalizer? Duct tape has something for everybody! Pick up an extra roll today!