The art of the ... no, don't

Doesn't that just get your Memorial Day weekend off to a roaring start? Five tips from the Motor City's leading daily on how to score an SUV deal! It spoils the fun a little to zoom in and see that Tip No. 1 is "look for deals," but let's go through the list anyway. Subhed and first paragraph for each:

1. Look for SUV, crossover deals
SUVs and crossover competition is heating up with new models like the Kia Telluride, Hyundai Palisade and Honda Passport. That means there are SUV deals to be had as automakers jockey for position.

2. But don't rule out sedans altogether
Look closely: There are still some deals on sedans, but they're more sporadic.
 
3. Don't expect a great financing deal
In the wake of the Federal Reserve's interest rate hikes, borrowing costs have increased. Consequently, there are fewer long-term 0% interest deals out there.

4. Prepare to pay up for the best
Looking for the latest and greatest? You might have to dig deep to pay for it.

5. Consider waiting a few months
Do you really need that new vehicle now? If not, consider waiting until August or September, when discounting picks up as dealers begin selling the next model-year vehicles.

To summarize: If you want a deal on an SUV this weekend, you should look for a deal, buy something other than an SUV, expect to pay what you would have in the first place, and hang on for a few months.

Stay tuned for those tips on how to win the lottery, kids!

Stoned again

Here's how you can tell whether you are playing the part of David or the part of Goliath. If you are the one being peppered with stones, you are almost certainly not David.

We can at least make a joyful noise unto the Gannett hub that it doesn't say "the story in the Gospels."

Department of Redundancy Department

Yes, fatal killings are widely understood to be the deadliest kind.

Not to be outdone, of course, is the text, which notes that the crucial role played by Detroit police was crucial and role-like:

Can I have the brontosaurus instead?

True it is that headline dialects vary, based on register, technology, time, place and what-have-you. Swim at your own risk, kids; try a claim quote among the knowledgeable and you risk being cast as the sort of miscreant who put an American robin at the Banks house in "Mary Poppins."

While "(source):" is a pretty standard American way of putting the attribution at the front of the headline without wasting space on a verb, there's less agreement on how, if at all, to put the attribution at the end without a verb. I've known places where the rule was colon at the beginning, dash at the end:

Officials: Kane caught in love nest with 'singer'
Kane caught in love nest with 'singer' -- officials

But perhaps we can generally agree that the colon attribution at the end of a headline runs the risk of being mistaken for some of the other things colons do, like renaming or expanding on a noun in the first part of the hed. It's clearer inside ("Georgia child finds $40G of meth in box of Legos: officials"), but when I stumble across "Child's dangerous find in box of Legos: officials," all I can think is: damn, I was hoping for the plastic brontosaurus.

A Fair 'n' Balanced history lesson

And what are the Enemies of the People doing to bring down the republic these days, Fair 'n' Balanced Network?

The Department of Justice reporter for NPR referred to the date of Attorney General Barr's summary of the Mueller report as "a date that will live ... in infamy," a phrase many associate with President Franklin Roosevelt's 1941 speech following the Pearl Harbor attack.

Shock horror outrage! No wonder it's the No. 2 story on the Monday morning homepage!

NPR's Carrie Johnson made the comment during the NPR Politics podcast last Wednesday while discussing Barr's testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, during which he answered questions about the summary he gave of special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation.

Or not. Since it's only a 7-graf story, though, let's skip the background and get to the substance:

... "March 24th, a date that will live in my brain in infamy, a Sunday, remember, Barr sends this four-page letter to Congress," Johnson said during the podcast. Listeners soon drew connections to her phrase and the remarks made by President Roosevelt in 1941, the day after the Pearl Harbor attack, when he declared war on Japan.

There's no sneaking one by those "listeners," huh? 

... Although both days are undoubtedly significant in the fabric of American history, some have criticized the perceived comparison as an exaggeration, since more than 2,000 people were killed during Pearl Harbor.

Johnson did not return a request for comment.

Rather kind of her, considering she could have started by noting the firm grasp of history evidenced in the story slug:

www.foxnews.com/politics/npr-reporter-refers-to-barr-summary-mirroring-language-of-president-johnsons-announcement-of-pearl-harbor

But more broadly: The nerve of some people! Who would dare invoke the image of Pearl Harbor in connection with the travails of the Trump administration? Speaking of breaking news, let's start with Tom Fitton of Judicial Watch on Feb. 28:

Michael Cohen is a criminal and Michael Cohen is a political prop. Michael Cohen is the furthest thing from a victim.

At the hearing Wednesday we witnessed history. Unfortunately for the reputation of the House, it is the type of history that will live in infamy.

Not even an "in my brain" to soften the blow! How about it, former Rep. Jason Chaffetz (Sept. 28, on the Kavanaugh hearings)?

If the majority of voters buys what the Democratic-media elite is selling, our nation will have suffered yet another day that “will live in infamy.” We will have abandoned any commonality in our institutions, our traditions, our mores and our ability to hold together as a nation. There will no longer be any "we" in "We the people.”

Enough of that. What about that pesky Iran nuclear deal?

A mere 21 percent of the American public supports the deal and a bipartisan majority of the Senate opposes it. Yet the filibuster rule blocked the Senate from defeating it, allowing Obama to hail the “historic step forward.”

His “victory” is a disconnect that will live in infamy.

You too, The Kelly File?

MEGYN KELLY, HOST: Breaking tonight, new fallout from what the president calls an historic agreement on Iranian nukes and the critics call a deal that would live in infamy for the dangerous it possess* to the world.
 
OK, we all knew Boehner was a RINO on immigration, but how about Lindsey Graham?

And as little banty roosters like Senator Lindsey Graham flap their arms and claim they have the votes to stop any Obama nuclear deal with Iran, it doesn’t matter, because Obama won’t follow the law anyway.  He already knows that Congress won’t stop him.

March 3, 2015, a day which will live in infamy.

Yes, but all those are commentary! Surely Fox would never invoke Pearl Harbor in a sports story!

May 25, 2016 is a day that will live in infamy for Darrell Horcher, although he can't remember that much about it.

It was that Wednesday evening when Horchers motorcycle collided with a 2006 Ford Escape while he was riding with a friend, and the UFC lightweight was thrown from his bike before skidding down the road.

OK, well -- pop music**! That has to be off limits, right?

The 53-year-old music icon is perhaps the most edgy Super Bowl performer since 2004, the halftime show that will live in infamy, as Justin Timberlake revealed Janet Jackson's bare breast during a "wardrobe malfunction."
 

Fox, on other words, is turning up the chaff machine again. Wonder what they could be so concerned about!
 

* (sic), if you insist.
** This appears to be a Fox creditline atop an AP story. Ahem.