The perfect page

This must be as close as it gets to the Perfect Front Page at the formerly Fair 'n' Balanced Network, from Wednesday afternoon:

The inside story on those terrifying Starbucks diversity sessions!

Liberals say mean lady sounds like a Trump supporter!

Hillary Clinton went out in public and forced poor little old Fox to run her picture again! 

Liberals are meaner than the mean lady!

Even more liberals say mean things about Trump!

To get to the other side?

Even without the Stupid Question, this is a candidate for Least Informative Follow-up of the (no longer young) Year.  Let's proceed to the fourth paragraph:

Police confirmed Monday that a sixth Ram truck was found around 2:30 p.m. Saturday near Warren and Outer Drive in Dearborn Heights. No damage was done to the vehicle, according to the police report.
 

The other trucks have been found in Detroit, some stripped or damaged, some still in new condition. A pocket Bible was found on the driver's seat of one of the trucks.

Given that the "when" of Tuesday's story is "erm, Saturday," you can see leading with the Bible. (Assuming you didn't want to put any further effort into finding out about an arrest that apparently happened Saturday.) But before putting it in the headline, should we wonder for a moment if the pocket that the pocket Bible fell out of might have belonged to -- oh, a factory worker who parked the soon-to-be-stolen Ram?

Try it on your cereal

Courtesy of the indefatigable Bremner Editing Center, the latest in elongated yellow fruit: Sriracha, the pungent Thai condiment!

No, but thanks for asking

Well, if you had to write a precede for the Fair 'n' Balanced front page about those pesky upcoming hearings, what do you think you'd do?

The alleged mastermind of the 9/11 attacks, like the Senate intelligence panel's Democrats, has come out against President Donald Trump's nomination of Gina Haspel to lead the CIA.

Both Khalid Sheikh Mohammed and the Democrats question whether Haspel, a longtime CIA agent, is fit to run the agency given her involvement in the torture of prisoners following the attacks in 2001.

Haspel is due to appear Wednesday before the Senate Intelligence Committee for her confirmation hearing.

In case you didn't get it, there's also a photo caption:

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed is joining the Senate intelligence panel's Democrats in opposition to Gina Haspel. They question whether the longtime CIA agent is fit to run the agency given her involvement in the torture of prisoners following the 9/11 attacks.  (Reuters)

But no doubt there's a nut graf in there somewhere:

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