To ... get to the other side?

After a question lede like this:

Why did the victim of a burglary grab the crook a can of Coke?

... you'd like to think there's no place to go but up. Instead:

A suspect on the loose had burst through the home of Your Name Here, 70, around 2 a.m., demanding a phone call, a can of Coke and a cigar.

All at once?

Anyway, as our Iowa correspondent points out, once you get started on all the writering, it's hard to stop. I'm especially fond of this one:

... Here grabbed an eight-inch letter opener to defend himself. But the suspect, likely in his 30s, twisted the older man's fingers and pushed him into Here's new lamp, breaking it. As Here retold the story from his living room chair, he pointed out two forefingers that were taped together and still hurt from the incident.

What's he pointing at his forefingers with if they're already taped together?

And there's another lovely case of "another woman":

... According to another police report, minutes before the suspect arrived at Here's door, he and another woman were stopped in the 3500 block of South Union Street. The two were "very nervous," the report states.

You'll want to enjoy the whole thing yourself. But you might wonder, along with the Iowa bureau: Did a "content coach" sign off on this one?