"That's what" of the month

Sayonara, prison life.

That’s what Monica Conyers can say now that her federal prison sentence for bribery is officially over.

Is there a particular reason she can say that today, rather than in December, when she  moved from prison to the halfway house described in today's story, or January, when she moved to "home confinement"? Is it the number of silly 1950s stereotypes she absorbed from movies in the interim, or what? Inquiring minds want to ... no, they don't.

The "top cop" parade continues, of course, with this from a 1A story:

In a wide-ranging interview Thursday with the Detroit Free Press editorial board and reporters, James Craig — coming from a job as the Cincinnati police chief to become Detroit’s top cop — said he wants to make sure the department is staffed appropriately.

... and this hed from a sidebar (slightly different in print, above right): 

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You shall never take us alive, officer!

Here's a nice, easy target for someone out there: Get through one hiring cycle without ever referring to the police chief (or whatever the title is in your jurisdiction) as the "top cop."

It's off the table for this candidate; that's today's front page above, and Tuesday's 1A tease below. Monday's online story notes that "this is the second time Craig has tried for the job of Detroit’s top cop," and here's the May 5 lede:

One of the top contenders for the job of Detroit’s police chief is the top cop in Cincinnati.

And a hed from October, when it (ahem) became clear (kaff) that the incumbent was leaving:

City's next top cop will have hands full

... and from the previous April:

Top cop: More concessions are needed

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Alarmed and dangerous

There's more to this correction than the local fishwrap lets on. Here's what appears to be the relevant sentence from the online version of Monday's story:

The security was needed because Michiganders at a state auction of drilling lands last year became violent — “one guy pulled a gun” — and officers made seven arrests, MDEQ spokesman Brad Wurfel said.

I can see getting a department spokesman and a department official mixed up somewhere amid the notes and emails or whatever. And "firearm" for "fire alarm" -- maybe it's a stretch for a telephone error, but it's hardly implausible. Except that's not what the quote says. The quote says "pulled a gun," and the quotation marks are supposed to mean that's exactly -- not kinda-sorta -- what the speaker said. Given that distinction, maybe we should know a little more about how this error came about.

Why no chicken?

No peeking now, sports fans. The Red Wings are playing Anaheim in the first round of the NHL playoffs. One of these heds from the hometown fishwrap commemorates a Detroit win; the other, a loss. Can you tell which is which?

Need another hint? In one, the Wings won 3-2 in overtime. In the other, the Wings lost 3-2 in overtime. Getting warmer?

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When I use a survey, said Humpty Dumpty ...

Hey, kids! Of the two Bureau of Labor Statistics surveys reported the first Friday of each month in the eagerly awaited* report on jobs and joblessness, which one should the right-thinking young person take more seriously? Is it ...

The Household Survey reaches deeper into the recesses of the economy than does the Establishment Survey. It also does not involve conjuring jobs out of thin air, a la the Establishment Survey's "birth/death model."

Well, that seems pretty clear. It's the household survey, which produces the unemployment rate, not the establishment survey, which produces the number of jobs added or lost. But what did it look like last October? Oh NOES!!!!!

The professional economists and the press usually emphasize the establishment survey because it is viewed as less volatile. ... Back when President Bush presided over a jobless recovery, the household survey tended to show better news. At the time, every media organization carefully emphasized the establishment numbers, and warned that the household numbers are suspect. That, of course, is what happens when a Republican is in office. For President Obama, you can expect a household survey lovefest.

So, to sum things up, if the household survey makes the Kenyan Muslim commie look worser, it's better, but if it makes him look gooder, it's badder. Got it? This could be on the final.

* Not quite an "important psychological barrier," but close.

Fractious Near East at peace!

Study says beer cures common cold! New sports car runs on emission-free blend of spiderwebs and moonbeams!

For surely there was no other news to report by the time Monday's front was put together in Lexington:

Former Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin said Sunday that her first Kentucky Derby experience was "heavenly."

Read more here: http://www.kentucky.com/2013/05/05/2628295/at-heavenly-derby-sarah-palin.html#storylink=cpy

Return of the huskies

In today's "Barney and Clyde," the streetwise Clyde is enlightening his wealthy friend Barney about the many ways to describe the way tourists walk: "Like the Eskimos and 'snow,' we have 50 words for 'slow.'"

Well, sure, it's not especially original, but it's not even especially original to "B&C." Here's a relevant chunk of the strip from Feb. 5, 2012, with Barney bringing up the Eskimos:

 Wonder when it will show up next?

How not to do rewrite

If you're going to lift a Shock Horror Outrage story from the competition, be sure you get those pesky details right! Here's the Fair 'n' Balanced lede:

Police in China have smashed a crime ring that sold meat from rats and other animals as rat meat, in a case that left the public disgusted and highlighted the need for more food safety regulations in the world's most populous nation.

At the Times, you get the idea that selling rat as rat wasn't the problem:
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