No, not 'related'

If your eyes and brain work together the way we describe it in design classes, you probably figured out pretty fast what the picture here illustrates, right? Even if you read the caption:

Missionary Rev. Phyllis Sortor, 87, of the Free Methodist Church was kidnapped Tuesday by unknown gunmen in the village of Emiworo.

And where in Syria might that be? Well, if you look at the last of the allegedly related developments in the Wednesday roundup:

Missionary taken: Masked gunmen abducted an American missionary in southeastern Nigeria, her church’s website and Nigerian authorities said Tuesday. The Free Methodist Church said Rev. Phyllis Sortor was taken late Monday from a school compound in Emiworo in Kogi state, where it said she developed a close affinity with the Fulani people — semi-nomadic herdsmen — and helped open schools for their children. The kidnapping motive wasn’t known, but Nigeria has had kidnappings by criminal groups for ransom, as well as by Islamist militants. 

 Which bears a strong resemblance to this Los Angeles Times story:

The motive of the kidnapping wasn’t known, but Nigeria has seen dozens of kidnappings of expatriates by criminal groups for ransom, as well as abductions of Westerners by Islamist militant groups, including Boko Haram.

The generally paranoid New York Daily News was more specific by Tuesday afternoon:

Thugs then contacted a friend of Sortor and demanded 60 million naira, or nearly $300,000, for her safe return, said Kogi Police CommissionerAdeyemi Ogunjemilusi, who speculated the kidnapping is the work of a criminal gang. The terrorist group Boko Haram does not usually operate in the area, he said.

When even the Fair 'n' Balanced Network is declaring Thursday that "they are most likely a small time criminal gang and not the feared Islamist group Boko Haram," you might want to consider the circumstances under which you cram everything into the Scary Brown People Roundup in the future. We have networks whose mission in life is to remind you that your way of life is under threat at every turn; when the allegedly librul media sing the same tune, we should be concerned about the future of the profession.

And in the You Kids Get Off My Lawn department: Does everybody over 30 just look the same to the night desk? All the other sources seem to give the kidnap victim's age as 70, not 87.