Sunday, November 17, 2013

One born every minute

Really? "Human need to know the future boosts popularity of psychics"? Tell us more, biggest surviving daily in the state!

Her grandmother read tea leaves in the kitchen. Her mother was an astrologer and medium.

Now, Your Name Here of Attica is carrying on the tradition.

“My guides and angels connect with others’ guides and angels,” explains Here, who has dark hair, a calm face and long, graceful fingers. “I contact people on the other side.”

Well, no. No, they don't, and no, she doesn't. (Contact "people on the other side," that is; she does have dark hair and a calm face.) The county fair is made for people who believe otherwise; didn't we go over this back at Halloween?

Newspapers, you'd like to think, are duty-bound to help the marks avoid being separated from their money.* Why, then, do they seem so eager to devote entire section fronts to this sort of thing?

... Some psychics are clairvoyants with ESP. Some are mediums who mediate with the spirit world. Some psychics read energy from everyday objects — tarot cards, your palm, auras, numbers or astrological signs. Some do past life counseling or “scrying,” looking into a crystal ball or flames.

Well, sort of. None of them are clairvoyants, because there is no such thing. It's entirely possible that some of them can "read energy" from your aura, in which case you should be sure to ask for a receipt in case they get you confused with the gas company. If you'll leave a credit card number in the comments, we'll get right on the "past life counseling" thing.

Psychics can’t give you winning lottery numbers or tell you the day you will die, Anothername says. They can’t cause the sun to shine or bunions to vanish.

That's the problem, isn't it? Because if a psychic is clairvoyant and has ESP and all, the least he or she can do is give you the lottery numbers. Failing that, the psychic is not entirely giving value for money, and that's the sort of thing that newspapers used to delight in pointing out -- not featuring on Sunday section fronts.

*Short of a good Billy Graham crusade, at least.

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Blogger The Ridger, FCD said...

I feel NEGATIVE ENERGY here! The spirits can't work in these conditions!

7:46 PM, November 18, 2013  

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