Sunday, September 07, 2014

Yes, they really do think like that

What does the No. 4 story at Sunday night's Fair 'n' Balanced homepage have to do with Friday's offlede at the Washington Times? A fairly good bit, as it turns out. They're from the same beat.

Todd Starnes, in case you don't keep up with the doings of the Fox empire, covers the culture wars -- basically, anything the Kenyan usurper is doing to destroy all the things you held dear when you got up in the morning:

One of the great moments in history came when an unsuspecting camper sandwiched a marshmallow and a piece of chocolate between two graham crackers -- creating an American masterpiece -- the s’more.

But now the Obama administration is attempting to modify the third sacrament in camping’s holy trinity.

Uh, do tell!

The U.S. Forest Service wants Americans to make healthier S’mores by replacing the chocolate with fruit, according to a blog post meant to commemorate National Roasted Marshmallow Day (apparently there is such a thing, it was observed on August 30 this year).

Which must be why the NRA has decided to, you know, take it to the streets:

The National Rifle Association has unleashed a multimillion-dollar TV advertising campaign that its longtime leader says is aimed at messaging beyond gun rights and reaching middle-class mothers, minorities and other Americans “who believe our country is off the rails.”

The gun lobby’s campaign, launched in the last 10 days, uncharacteristically delves into issues far beyond the Second Amendment to explore the IRS scandal, media elitism and security vulnerabilities, with a call to return “good guys” to power.

Do you see it all fitting together now?

“This campaign is a gathering of shared values that gives a sense of right and wrong,” NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre told The Washington Times in an interview. The collection of issues the ads confront are representative of the conversations Mr. LaPierre said he has had throughout the country with NRA members and concerned citizens.

In Mr. LaPierre’s 36-year career as a policy activist, he feels the American public has never been more worried about this country’s future.

"Policy activist." Hold that thought!

“They’re worried the character of the country is at risk. It’s all collapsing,” Mr. LaPierre said. “They care about their Second Amendment freedoms but understand that all freedoms are connected.”

Media elitism, security, chocolate: Is it any wonder that the sleeping giant that is America's diet taste in food, guns and foreign policy is awakening everywhere you turn? But let's get back to Todd for a second. (Don't worry; Drudge had the Moochelle beat covered last week.)

“There are some innovative ways to roast the little white treats that can help cut down on the amount of sugar intake by the kids, thus making bedtime a little more doable,” the USFS wrote last week in a blog titled, “How Does Your Marshmallow Roast?”

“Think fruit,” they said. The Forest Service suggested either banana chunks or grilled pineapple — as if a piece of fruit is a suitable replacement for milk chocolate.

“You will still get a tasty treat but by substituting with fruit, it is healthier – as long as you watch the amount of marshmallows used,” the USFS wrote. “If you want to cut down even more on calories, try using slices of angel food cake instead of graham crackers.”

Technically true. That's what the blog says (even if we're short on evidence that the Kenyan actually wrote it). But the vapors seem to have gotten to young Todd so frightfully that he kind of overlooked the actual third paragraph:

For some, the best use of marshmallows is as the gooey main ingredient of s’mores. Take a graham cracker, place a section of chocolate on it, and then carefully place a freshly roasted marshmallow on top of the candy bar. Top the marshmallow off with another graham cracker, carefully squeezing the campfire dessert sandwich together as the hot marshmallow melts the chocolate.

Which seems to pretty much assign priority to the old-fashioned way of gumming stuff together. But Todd doesn't seem to be the kind of guy who actually spends a lot of time in the kichen:

... The Forest Service also recommended we use something called “marshmallow creme” -- so that we can “regulate” our portions. Apparently the government seems to think we sit around campfires fretting about caloric intake.

News flash. Marshmallow creme is like the Special Forces of marshmallows. It goes anywhere and does anything. With a little work, you could open a vein and pump the stuff right in. But the issue isn't the efficient delivery of marshmallow products to the central nervous system, it's -- well, you know who it is:

... I really wish the Obama administration would stop being such killjoys. What’s next? Will the USDA recommend we roast tofu hot dogs? Will the EPA ban the baking of beans over methane gas emissions? Will OSHA mandate that campfire cooks wear fire-retardant aprons? Will U.S. Fish & Wildlife ban the hunting of snipes?

If the Obama administration has its way future generations will be sitting around a computer generated fireplaces, roasting kumquats, and sipping shots of wheatgrass.

Makes you wonder what the feckless rascal is trying to distract us from now, doesn't it? Maybe we could ask some of the experts over at Fox!

With Democratic 2014 Senate and House hopes receding faster than the rise of the tides under President Obama, the Obama administration and Democratic Party have decided to resort to their favorite page in the political playbook: distraction and misdirection.

Can we be honest? Let’s cut through the spin and the rhetoric and look at what the American public have to say about their concerns as voters.  Everyday you hear about another random issue or gaffe that is completely unrelated to what's really on the minds of families and small businesses across the nation. But the distractions aren’t working.   

Nothing like a good old fashioned distraction to take everyone’s minds off all this unpleasantness, don’t you think?  Perhaps a three or four day attack on another country might do the trick.  Who knows?  Maybe it could even bring people together.

HALEY: Yes, we're just now starting to work that out. But this is going to be easy because -- you know, I heard you talking with Reince about the whole Harry Reid situation. President Obama has a lapdog for everything every single day. His job is to make sure that they can put out distractions every day until the election.

CAIN: And I feel that the president is playing two games out here, Neil, distraction politics and class warfare.

While it wasn’t a war on women, it sure was a war on truth and truth lost most days. The top issue to voters was the economy, but you’d never know it from the news coverage. Even the GOP primary, moderators pushed social issues to give Team Obama ample distractions from the 23 million under and unemployed.

So in case you're wondering, yeah, they really do think like that.

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OpenID q-pheevr said...

The banana chunks sound like a good idea. I like a bit of elongated yellow fruit with my little white treats.

11:19 PM, September 07, 2014  

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