Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Chain letter!

This is mildly off topic, but not entirely* -- I mean, I do teach media history over the summer, and this is like getting a Telex, reading an evening newspaper, and seeing Fred and Barney sneak behind the house for a Winston, all at once. In glorious black and white. It's an actual chain letter, on paper, in an envelope, from Missouri, with a first-class stamp!

Well, not really. After all, it says very clearly: "This is not a chain letter." And it's from a retired attorney! Whose client asked him to look at the letter! Which he found "not 100% legit"! But at client's request he "made only one small change which made the program totally legit"! See, you have to add "please put me on your mailing list," because that way, you're selling something of value! In return for the hundreds of thousands of dollars you are about to receive! ("You may want to purchase and** electric letter opener.")

The big difference, best I can tell, is that these days, you buy a mailing list from Datafax, rather than yanking the chains of people you already know. ("Specify that you want the names and addresses of OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS," 200 of whom*** will cost you 45 bucks, and the peel-and-stick envelopes at Wal-Mart are a great deal.) All you have to do is call 1-877-328-2977!

I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to go open a Schlitz and -- oh, write an inverted pyramid or something. If anyone wants to assign extra credit for seeing if you can get Prince Albert in a can along with your OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS, it sounds like more fun than another essay.

*And lighten up out there anyway. There's a whole raft of Fox stuff to work through, and tonight was the first meeting of the all-new (!) media-conflict-crisis seminar, and editing is tomorrow, and an accept-but-revise just got here, plus I'm still typing with somewhere between eight and nine fingers and the deck has steadfastly refused to scrape and paint itself during my convalescence even though winter is yclosing in, lhude sing [naughty words here].
** Sic. But i expect Czarina's mom has one around somewhere.
*** OK, "which." Sheez.



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