Play it again, salmonella

Admit it. Aside from the sheer slipped-the-surly-bonds-of-earth fun you'd have with collective-noun concord, didn't you always want to put in just a couple shifts writing heds at a redtop?

Without further ado, the Sun:
Play it again salmonella
West Ham 2 Tottenham 1
TOTTENHAM are ready to demand that the Premier League let them play this fixture again.

Spurs will complain at being ‘pushed’ into the crunch clash at Upton Park after TEN of their players went down with food poisoning.
("Loodunnit," indeed)

And the Mirror:
SICK AS A MARRIOTT
Poisoned Spurs miss out on Champions League..and will sue hotel & League for £10M
WEST HAM 2 TOTTENHAM 1
SPURS are threatening to sue the Premier League and a London hotel for £10million in lost Champions League revenue after TEN players suffered from food poisoning before their defeat at West Ham.

I've always wanted to know exactly how much ink a multimillion-circ tab saves in a year by eliminating that pesky third stop in the ellipsis. Does it cover not knowing the difference between "are threatening to sue" and "will sue"?

(HEADSUP-L feels constrained to point out that dodgy lasagne is no weapon for gentlemen. Though he can't help but wonder if Chelsea have had dinner yet.)