Paging the Dental Don Juan of Detroit

 

Well, this is hardly a surprise. The lead story on your Fox News homepage on Saturday night (9:30ish Eastern US) is the great man's rally at ... well, take it away, Fox:

Former President Trump echoed Ronald Reagan on Saturday during a spirited battleground outdoor rally at Arnold Palmer Regional Airport in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, asking, "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?"

Do you think he knows who was president in October 2020? Just asking. Because the real question -- since we're at a "spirited battleground outdoor rally" at the Arnold Palmer Regional Airport, after all -- might be: What did he say about Arnold Palmer?

... The crowd was both large and optimistic, with many children present at the rally dressed up as the former president and local steelworkers wearing hard hats.

Trump opened his nearly two-hour stump with a tribute to his late friend and PGA golf legend Arnold Palmer.

"But there was nobody that had his magic. He was a thriller. He was unbelievable. He, he knew how to win and he knew how to,, just do whatever it was that electrified a crowd," Trump said. "If I had him here right now with me, this crowd would be going absolutely crazy. They'd say, Trump, get off this stage. We want Arnold Palmer to speak."

Trump said he was good friends with and named one of the villas on his Doral, Florida, property after Palmer, who was a native of Pennsylvania, and died in 2016.

That seems somehow less than compelling. Did anything else catch the attention of the press -- the AP, for example?

Trump kicks off a Pennsylvania rally by talking about Arnold Palmer’s genitalia
LATROBE, Pa. (AP) — Donald Trump’s campaign suggested he would begin previewing his closing argument Saturday night with Election Day barely two weeks away. But the former president kicked off his rally with a detailed story about Arnold Palmer, at one point even praising the late, legendary golfer’s genitalia.

Oh. The Independent?

‘But don’t call them weird’: Trump raises eyebrows after crude 12-minute anecdote about Arnold Palmer’s manhood
Donald Trump shared a 12-minute anecdote about golfer Arnold Palmer at a Pennsylvania rally, prompting derision on social media after he made an off-color comment.

... “This is a guy that was all man,” Trump said. “He took showers with the other pros, they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God, that’s unbelievable.’ I had to say it.”

The (hem, kaff, Murdoch) New York Post?

Trump implies legendary golfer Arnold Palmer was well endowed at campaign rally in Latrobe, Pa.: ‘Oh my God’
He’s spilling the tea, and lemonade.

Former President Trump told a story about Arnold Palmer at a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, Saturday night that ended with the former Commander-in-Chief insinuating that the golf legend’s manhood was legendary.

USA Today?

Donald Trump targets steelworkers, riffs on golfer's anatomy in Pennsylvania rally
Orange and red hard hats dotted the crowd at a Donald Trump rally in western Pennsylvania on Saturnday night as he presented himself as the savior of the steel industry, a key part of the region’s identity, and made off-color remarks about the late pro golfer Arnold Palmer, a local hero.

... Trump spent his first 15 minutes at the microphone extolling Palmer's masculinity − and anatomy.

“Arnold Palmer was all man,” he told the crowd. “And I say that in all due respect to women. And I love women. But this guy. This guy. This is a guy that was all man. This man was all strong and tough. And I refused to say it but when − when he took showers with the other men, they came out of there, they said, 'Oh my god. That’s unbelievable.'”

NJ.com (and the shades of the newspapers it represents)?

Trump makes crude remark about golfing immortal: ‘I had to say it’
In many ways, Arnold Palmer’s resume is unparalleled. While many other golfing greats — like Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods — won more tournaments and majors and earned more money on the course, Palmer is acknowledged as the immortal who grew the sport’s popularity.

... But here’s what Donald Trump wants you to remember about Palmer, who passed away in September 2016: He had a big penis.

But at Fox, we've said all there is to say about Arnold Palmer.

Perhaps this is a pleasantly old-fashioned burst of propriety (after all, there were "many children present at the rally dressed up as the former president," and Fox also omitted his reference to the Democratic nominee as a "shit vice president"). And Fox might always change its mind and update the story later (this was posted at 8:29). But one can be forgiven for thinking that the orders from the ketchup-smeared bunker are conmvincingly clear on this point.