I come, Graymalkin

That's such an awesome bit of hed writing that you almost wish it had something to do with the story it refers to. Apparently, the selfie wasn't the problem after all:

Maybe he went into sugar shock over a Danish pastry.

The president of the United States, leader of the free world, standard-bearer for everything upright, good and wholesome about the nation he leads, lost his morality, his dignity and his mind, using the solemn occasion of Nelson Mandela’s memorial service Tuesday to act like a hormone-ravaged frat boy on a road trip to a strip bar.

Which may be the first time the poor guy's been on the receiving end of the "do you mind if we dance with your dates?" question at a Murdoch property. But onward:

In front of 91 world leaders, the mourning nation of South Africa and Obama’s clearly furious wife, Michelle, the president flirted, giggled, whispered like a recalcitrant child and made a damn fool of himself at first sight of Denmark’s voluptuously curvy and married prime minister, Helle Thorning-Schmidt.

Not to be outdone by the president’s bad behavior, the Danish hellcat hiked up her skirt to expose long Scandinavian legs covered by nothing more substantial than sheer black stockings.

Still to come: "Danish cupcake," "Danish tart" and "Danish hottie." Think we're close to figuring out which gummint she's head of yet?

... Thorning-Schmidt placed her hands dangerously close to Obama’s side. The president’s cackling head moved inches from the Danish tart’s and yards away from his wife’s. Obama then proceeded to absorb body heat from the Dane, which he won’t be feeling at home for a long time.

You'll be happy to know that the sourcing has improved, international-outrage-wise:

On Wednesday, Thorning-Schmidt saw nothing wrong with the public display of middle-aged lust. One Danish Facebook user called the antics of a president of 52 and a prime minister of 46 “frivolous and disrespectful.” Another said it was “extremely inappropriate and embarrassing.’’

OMG somebody said something on Facebook!

But Thorning-Schmidt attempted to laugh off the whole thing, saying, “It was not inappropriate.’’ Not inappropriate?

Pairing a black suit and blue tie is not inappropriate. Giving your wife grounds for divorce might be seen as otherwise.

But people won’t soon forget the escapades of the people whose salaries they pay.

President Obama has some ’splaining to do. To the woman he married. To his daughters. To the people of South Africa. And to the scandalized folks here at home.

He owes the world an apology.

The Pulitzer committee is going to have its work cut out this year when the commentary entries roll in.