Monday, October 05, 2009

Annals of 'when'

The pastor of a North Tryon Street church received a gruesome surprise when he found a dead man in the parking lot.

Don't think so. He might have received a gruesome surprise when he looked at the parking lot, but getting the surprise when he finds the body -- that's a little too Publishers Clearing House for me.

Of course, since you're writing a first-cycle story for the Web anyway, you could just leave out the surprise and get to the point: Pastor finds body in parking lot!


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