Tuesday, February 08, 2011

There's one born every minute

There's so much to love about the Fair 'n' Balanced Network! There's the revolving cast of candidates-posing-as-hosts, the merry statistical fraud, and the general state of low-grade panic that's always lurking just around the next bend. But mostly, it's just the stupids: the cask-strength, Imported from America, fist-face-repeat cloud of stupid that seems to hang over the entire place. As in:

CHERTSEY, England –  Bosses at a British theme park were forced to move a new ride after workers reported seeing what appeared to be a headless monk, Sky News reported Monday.

Staff building the ride at Thorpe Park, near London, encountered several strange phenomena, including the ghost and reports of objects being moved.

Good thing they called in the experts, innit?

...Paranormal expert Jim Arnold, who carried out tests at the site, said that "results were picked up immediately, with orbs, ghostly images in photography and Ouija reaction results being strongest around the site where they were proposing to build Storm Surge. The results were so strong we felt the only explanation could be that an ancient burial ground or settlement was being disturbed, prompting the extra paranormal activity."

We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

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